i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
