just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
