He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
