I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
