My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
