Do you still have your period?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize