yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
