I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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