shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
