just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
