It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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