This girl is more easily done than said...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
