you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
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