I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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