I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
