is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I cockslap morals
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
