I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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