There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
