Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
