I cockslap morals
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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