I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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