The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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