captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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