I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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