Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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