allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
