Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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