cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
