And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I need moral support for this bender
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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