Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize