i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize