You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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