When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
