no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
