phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize