My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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