just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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