So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
