also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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