At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize