Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize