We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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