I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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