i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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