So drunk its hurt
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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