wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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