you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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