Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
