I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
