I need help removing her.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
