why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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