I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We were destined to go to rehab together
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize