woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
