Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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