The maid of honor just puked.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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