If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
