I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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