if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
