he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
