under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
