I think I am morally bankrupt
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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