sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
