This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
