I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
