I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
