He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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