You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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