Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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