Ambien. No doubt about it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
