his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
