So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
