Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
