is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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