the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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