someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
