NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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