It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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