i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
