shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
