Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
